Resurgence
by Clumsylil'penguin
Summary: Lavi is not supposed to have a heart, yet his is beating for Allen, more strongly every day. He had not planned for this and now he does not know how to deal with it. His life is falling apart but he can not stop desiring Allen. This will be his downfall or his salvation. Laven fic, one-sided at first, and a bit Yullen too.
1. Chapter 1

Hello people! Welcome, welcome! I am thrilled to present my very first fic about DGM but not to worry, I have written in other fandoms before so I know how this works. There might be some OOCness at first because I am really not used to these characters but I will try my best to make them act as authentically as possible.

That aside, this will be a Laven story. There are not enough of them. To tell you the truth, I have been a die hard Yullen (and Lucky) fan for years but recently I have come across a very nice Laven fic and it was like BANG! I fell for it, hard. So yeah, my world was turned around. Anyway, basically it will be in Lavi's POV.

 **Summary:** Lavi's heart is far from dormant as he is slowly falling in love with Allen but instead of having the cute happy relationship he dreamed of, he is learning that nothing is easy in love. Allen does not care for him that way, at first, and he is even slightly attracted to Kanda. So in other words, Lavi is going to struggle with his newfound feelings and the pain of unrequited love. He will learn what it means to be human and to have emotions. It is going to be painful for him. Think of him as a toddler discovering life on his own and getting lost amidst all its chaos. So yes, there will be some Yullen but only a little, the main pairing is Laven even if it is a slowbuild, at first one-sided. They should get together by the end.

This fic will not be sugary sweet with lots of romance. And Lavi might seem OOC to some of you but I believe he can be pretty dark when he does not pretend to be happy-go-lucky. At times there will be drunk!Lavi, possessive!Lavi, jealous!Lavi as well. Never violent though, no dark!Lavi.

I think that is all. I hope you will enjoy this first journey of mine through DGM.

Disclaimer: not enough Laven moments in the original work to be mine.

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 **Resurgence**

Chapter 1

At night, the dark hallways of the Black Order were more frightening. Even though it was one of the most secure places in the world, no doubt about it, they really did not look inviting. Yet Lavi did not care. The young man had been wandering aimlessly for twenty minutes, taking a well-deserved break from all the work Bookman had given him. The old man had ordered him to read and translate ten books, each one bigger than the list of the Order's members, including the Finders and the whole staff. Five hours of reading, deciphering and copying later, the words had started to look like black dots on the pages, no longer making any sense. Lavi had decided to stop for a while and let his tired eye rest.

Spending so much time on an uncomfortable chair had had his muscles protesting at his sudden movements and they had begged him for some exercise. So Lavi had gone outside, hoping to find something to distract him. The red-haired had trouble remaining still for a long period of time. Being naturally energetic, he always ended up needing to stop whatever he was doing to clear his head. He could be seriously focused but sometimes, his concentration would waver. Even though he loved recording History more than anything else. Exploring its secrets, learning them and putting them down on paper for the next generations never ceased to fascinate him. His heart rate increased in the same way adrenaline made his blood boil when fighting akuma. Something he had recently noticed, now he actually enjoyed taking an active part in this war, Bookman had even showed his disapproval.

Today, the panda was blessedly away, meaning Lavi could take a break without being beaten for it. The young man exited the library, hoping to enjoy a quiet moment to himself. He first went to the cafeteria to get a drink then thought of training a little. He had not set foot in the training room in weeks but if he did any physical exercise now, he doubted he would be able to work afterwards. And with no sparring partner it would be boring anyway. In the end, he stopped at a crossing on the second floor, leaning against the railing overlooking the lounge downstairs, as dark as the rest of the building.

Few people wandered by. Most of them were asleep, some had been sent out on missions. The scientists of the night shift rarely came out of the laboratories. Lavi was truly alone and he was glad for this. This way, he could clear his mind of an urgent matter that had been begging for his attention for a while, but he had chosen to ignore it until now. However his problem was now seriously distracting: "Lavi" was becoming more and more real. All these years spent among the Black Order with everyone else, fighting the Earl and the Noah, talking and having fun and _living_ had weakened him. Bookman had warned him, it was a mere coincidence that they were on the Order's side. This war was none of their business and the moment it was over, they would leave. Lavi had understood. He had planned on keeping his distance from these people. At nineteen years old he had seen more death and desolation than most of mankind and his disgust for his species had left him jaded. Obviously, he had not listened closely enough to his mentor's warning. In becoming an exorcist, not only had he personally taken part in this war, he no longer fought to survive but also to prevent the Earl from destroying mankind even though he had despised it for as long as he could remember, but he had also noticed that he truly liked spending time with the others. Whenever Krory was depressed, Lavi would try to cheer him up. When Lenalee was worried, he would comfort her. Making fun of Kanda had become a habit and his favourite hobby, despite the risk of losing his head. He did each of these common actions naturally. He _enjoyed_ daily reminding them that he was there. The red-haired could no longer deny what these people had become: his family.

These changes had gradually appeared throughout the years but they had increased since the arrival of the person whom had just entered Lavi's sight downstairs, hiding among the sofas, like a scared mouse, checking no one was on their trail: Allen Walker.

However Lavi had only taken notice of his new way of thinking when Allen had disappeared. His death had hit the eye-patched exorcist harder than he had expected. All of a sudden there had been a suffocating pain inside his chest, burning his very core, preventing him from breathing normally. His soul had been torn apart, creating a resonating void in him where nothing was supposed to exist. This agony had terrified him, he had not understood what was happening to him but he had known it was because of Allen. That day, his heart had come to life. The first emotion the white-haired boy had taught him was despair.

The albino kid befuddled each person he came across, including Lavi. Even if he was used to keep his distance from the rest of the world, the red-haired had under-estimated the intensity of the innocence reflecting in those grey eyes. They cast a spell on you when you dared looking into them and they never let you go. Lavi felt a constant pull toward Allen, like a magnetic connection. The more time he spent with him, the harder it became to resist this attraction.

Ever since they had met, Lavi had changed. His smiles were now real and his desire to protect the people he called his friends authentic. He truly cared for the white-haired boy, which was the main problem. He could hear the old panda's voice in his head telling him what he already knew, Bookmen had no need for a heart, they did not feel anything. He was there strictly to record History, nothing else. The eye-patched exorcist knew that, he had applied that rule his whole life. Today however, he was breaking it for a boy with angelic features.

"Lavi" had appeared when he had learned he was to be an exorcist, Allen Walker had given him a reason to just _be_. "Lavi" was no longer a mere alias, he was a real person. All of this because of two silver eyes filled with so much sorrow and silently begging for help. The Bookman successor had not been able to resist their call. He was now a prisoner of his own affection, the same one blocking the path of his training. His aim to take over Bookman one day was slowly getting out of reach but despite this, Lavi could not bring himself to regret his decision. He had been raised and taught so he could record History and he liked it, but more than anything else, he longed to feel the sweet warmth enfolding him whenever Allen smiled at him, just one more time.

Bookman suspected something was off with his apprentice. He had probably noticed before the boy himself. Lavi did not want to disappoint him but it was getting harder and harder to pretend he did not feel any sort of companionship for the others. The euphoria taking over him when he talked with Allen would be the end of him. The young man knew how his situation would eventually evolve, even if he had never experienced it for himself.

Right now, he did not care. Lavi leaned over the railing, his palm holding up his chin, his eye locked onto the cursed boy downstairs, a genuine smile on his lips. He watched him in silence, laughing whenever Allen jumped at a noise in the shadows. The albino had probably escaped Link's vigilant watch, again. Timcampy was not even with him. The golem was most likely creating a diversion to allow its master some time to hide. The two must have come up with this plan at the last minute because Allen was wearing his casual clothes, those he kept to remain inside his room, and the Order's dressing gown. He had even swapped his heavy boots for a pair of light slippers.

 **-Walker!** an angry voice boomed not too far from where he was standing.

The boy froze. Quietly, he tried to get to the exit, moving as silently as he could, almost on his hands and knees. Lavi's smile grew. Allen was a skilled warrior but he could not grasp the concept of stealth to save his life. The cat was slowly gaining on the mouse. Soon, it would be found. The show was quite funny but Lavi could not just stand by. The entertainment he had been looking for was right there and he could not have asked for anything better.

Meanwhile, Allen was cowering behind a sofa, hoping, praying that Link would overlook his hiding place. He had run away from his room just after the Inspector had fallen asleep, walking on tiptoes so as not to wake him, leaving Tim behind to buy him some time. Obviously, Link was a light sleeper. Allen knew that disappearing on his appointed supervisor would not look good on his record but he needed to be alone in peace and quiet, just for an hour or two. Unfortunately, his plan had failed. He could hear Link's footsteps coming closer. Furthermore, the teenager felt like he was being watched. He was not sure, it was so dark around him, it was impossible to tell if someone was standing there. Which was exactly why he did not dare leave his temporary sanctuary to find a better place to hide. He could not see anything, if he moved, he would probably bump into Link. So Allen accepted his fate and waited to be found and brought back to his room where he would most likely be admonished. The next second, he indeed got caught, but not exactly the way he had expected.

Before he had time to understand what was happening, he felt an arm circling his waist and a presence appearing behind him. Actually, it was above him. A single "shh" whispered in his ear was his only warning before being hoisted up in the air. He had to bit his lip not to scream in fear but a surprised gasp escaped him. A hand covered his mouth then, muting him for the time being. A few seconds later, his feet touched the ground again and his back was pressed flat against a solid chest, the arm still around his waist, pinning him into place without using too much strength. Actually, it felt more like a gentle embrace. His abductor had yet to reveal themselves but Allen knew he was in no danger. The warmth coming off them was soothing, their breath caressed his temple making this situation all the more strange. Allen was not fighting them, it was as if he had unconsciously recognized them and knew he was safe. Protected maybe. The grip on his waist was a little possessive too. A sweet smell invaded his nostrils. A distinctive mix of spices, old leather and ashes. He knew that mesmerizing and masculine scent: Lavi. The white-haired boy's body relaxed even further, leaning back against his friend's chest who then removed his hand from his mouth, adding his now free arm to the other one around his waist, fully hugging him.

 **-Walker!** Link yelled once more.

Allen was surprised to hear that his voice sounded further away than the first time, as if he were somewhere below him. What had Lavi done this time?

 **-Looks like he's gone. The coast is clear** , Lavi whispered right into the albino's ear, causing him to freeze in shock.

His friend's voice was warm and soothing. Allen just barely nodded, strictly against moving from his comfortable position, as if he were under a spell. He felt the other's chin dropping on his shoulder but the red-haired did not remove his arms from his waist. Allen flushed and his heartbeat quickened. The temperature had suddenly been raised.

 **-La... Lavi?** he managed to stutter.

The older exorcist hummed and remained as he was.

 **-How did you know I was there?**

 **-I saw you coming in** , the young man whispered, creating a secret and cosy atmosphere, as if a bubble were around them. **You looked lost and desperate. I just had to save you.**

Lavi smiled, fully enjoying their current position.

 **-I didn't know you could fly** , Allen murmured back, not wanting to disrupt the private aura, he was definitely too comfortable.

Lavi's smile evolved in a soft laughter, the vibrations in his chest echoing in the teenager's back.

 **-That's because I feel so light when I'm around you,** **Allen** , the eye-patched boy breathed in his ear, rubbing his nose against his cheek. (Surprised, the albino turned his head so he could see his friend who winked cheekily at him, his smile fending his face in two.) **I never go anywhere without Ōzuchi Koduchi, in case there're moyashi in distress who need rescuing!**

His smile widened even more, earning him a kick in the stomach. He let out a pained noise in exchange.

 **-My name is Allen** , snapped the cursed boy, turning away from him.

A breathless laughter was his only answer. He tried to move away but the hold on his waist increased, forcing him back against Lavi's chest, even closer than before.

 **-Aww... Don't get mad. You know I like teasing you.**

Once again, the red-haired's voice was no louder than a murmur, even if there was no one around, causing goosebumps to appear on Allen's skin.

 **-Lavi, you're acting weird today. More than usual. Is something wrong?**

 **-Nothing. I'm just enjoying holding you close to me. It's been a while since I saw you.**

To prove his point, the older teenager squeezed tighter. Now that Allen was here with him, he realised how much he had missed him. Between Bookman overloading him with work, probably on purpose to prevent him from hanging out with his friends, and Link following Allen everywhere he went, they had not seen each other in more than two weeks. It had been way too long on Lavi's part. Now that he had his friend back, he was going to make the most of it. However he could feel his control slipping. Lavi could not let go of the albino, it felt so good to have him pressed against him. He could get lost in his scent. He was getting dizzy.

 **-Hum... Well, thank you for helping me. I should go back to my room. Link will seriously get angry if I stall any longer. So, thank you again.** (Allen tried to get away but was stopped once again. Lavi's arms did not budge. The older exorcist was restraining him, his grip like a vice.) **Lavi, would you please let me go?** Allen asked politely though he was starting to get annoyed.

 **-Never** , the eye-patched boy answered instantly. **I am never letting you go.**

The albino gasped. His friend's voice had sounded so possessive, so full of determination, so solemn, as if he were taking a vow. His arms squeezed him even tighter if that was even possible. And yet, Allen could not bring himself to freak out. He felt safe there, albeit a bit too tight.

 **-Lavi?** the white-haired boy whispered, taken aback.

Hearing his name called in such a soft and timid voice snapped Lavi out of his trance. Realising what he was doing, the red-haired reluctantly released his younger friend, hiding a disappointed sigh. It would not do if he scared him with his conduct. Allen stepped back, making Lavi immediately miss his warmth, and looked at him curiously.

 **-Ah! Sorry Allen! Got a little carried away there!** the young man apologized, scratching the back of his head, an embarrassed smile on his lips, trying to hide the feeling of loss engulfing him, freezing everything inside him.

In truth, Lavi wanted to pull Allen back in his arms, hug him to his heart's content, drown in his presence and his sweet scent and his warmth, run his hand through his snowy hair, mark him as his. This last thought shook the eye-patched teen to the core. Where did that come from? He had never gone so far. Marking Allen as his? Possessing him? This was new and unexpected but the Bookman apprentice had to admit that the more he contemplated it, the more the idea appealed to him. Actually, it would not leave him alone and what scared him was how powerful his desire to act on it ran. Lavi was done for. He was losing control and fast. The more time he spent with Allen, the deeper he fell. This was not good.

 **-Lavi!**

Allen's call broke his train of thoughts. The red-haired exorcist shook his head and met the concerned look of his friend.

 **-I'm fine. I just spaced out for a minute.**

The cursed boy looked unconvinced. An awkward silence followed his words. Neither knew what to say to fill it.

 **-Well, I should go back. Link will have my head if I don't** , Allen finally said, feeling slightly put out by Lavi's behaviour. **Good night Lavi.**

 **-Yeah...** the eye-patched boy replied, suddenly feeling depressed. **Night Allen** , he managed to say, mustering all of his strength to paste a smile on his face so as not to worry his friend.

Watching the albino walk away from him was hard. Lavi had to restrain himself from running after him. Clenching his fists, he remained where he was long after Allen had disappeared from his sight. In his heart, where nothing was supposed to be, resonated a dull throbbing, making the void in him all that more painful. Lavi put a hand over his traitorous organ, as if that would lessen the ache but to no avail. He sighed and closed his eye. He was screwed.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi everyone! Thank you for your kind reviews and your warm welcome! I'm pleased to know the beginning managed to catch your interest. ^^ There is not much else to say for now as I cannot really summarize this chapter without giving too much away. Just know that Lavi rarely thinks before acting, and it will cost him.

If you notice any mistakes, there are some, feel free to tell me.

DGM is not mine, we all know that.

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Chapter 2

Allen was walking back from the cafeteria, having eaten his usual huge amount of food for lunch, Link following him as always. Today the white-haired boy was in a fairly good mood, well, at least he was not feeling as down as he had lately, because of the 14th being within him. Not to say that he had stopped caring about it, far from it. Allen was as terrified as ever of the possibility of turning into a Noah, especially with this presence constantly looming over his shoulder, like a shadow. Every time he glanced at a reflective surface he could see that creepy smile and these empty eyes. Allen was scared of him but he could not share his burden with anybody and hiding his presence to the others was really wearing him down. Actually, he had no reason to feel chipper and yet, when he had woken up the white-haired boy had smiled, the weight on his shoulders seeming a little less heavy for once. He had even joked when Link had reminded him of the paperwork waiting for him. Now however, he had nothing to do.

To entertain himself, the teenager decided to spend some time with his friends. Unfortunately, Krory was away on a mission with Lenalee and Miranda, Lavi was nowhere to be found and Kanda... Allen was not sure if the samurai was even in the building. They could have sparred a little. It had been a while since their last training session.

Kanda was one of the few people who still treated him as a human being, well, as much as Kanda knew how to. At first, the older exorcist had been downright icy towards him, menacing even. He had suspected him of being a spy sent by the Noah. Even if their friendship was not exactly ideal, they could still work together and they respected one another, but when the truth was revealed, Kanda had seemed to genuinely hate him. That had scared Allen. And hurt him too because despite the Japanese's natural ferocious personality, he was not that bad and deep down, Allen knew he cared. The guy just had no idea how to express it. Being rejected by his comrade had stung but eventually, the samurai had let go of his grudge and now he tolerated Allen. Their relationship was not exactly back to normal, Kanda was still suspicious of him, but the white-haired boy was glad to be able to communicate with him. They had even started meditating together. This made Allen happy because as much of an ass Kanda was, he was still his friend and the albino liked him, somewhat.

Anyway, for now the ponytail exorcist was missing. So was Lavi as a matter of a fact. It had been eight days since their last encounter at night. Since then Allen had not seen him. Well, actually he had. The red-haired was still in the building because once in a while, the cursed boy would come across him in the hallways but each time he called out to him, his friend would turn away, pretending not to see him. This had been going on for the past week. The teenager was sure Lavi was doing everything he could to avoid him and that hurt. Allen had no idea what he had done to make his friend mad. It was unusual for Lavi to be resentful so why was he so distant? The young albino did not like this situation at all, Lavi was his closest friend, they had never had an argument and understood one another better than anybody else in the Order. Something was not right and the white-haired boy would stop at nothing to find what the older exorcist was hiding.

Determined, Allen set out to track his friend down. His first destination was the library. If there was one place the red-haired spent most of his time at, it was there. Allen would corner him and make him spill the beans. With that in mind, he marched down towards his goal, Link tagging along. That way, he would finally get to know what was wrong with his friend and he had nothing better to do anyway. Might as well kill two birds with one stone.

After a short walk, Allen saw the doors to the library. He entered, set on talking to the eye-patched boy but no fiery hair could be found. Only Bookman was there, reading. Somehow, Allen thought it wise not to ask him where his apprentice was. Something told him the old man would not help.

Slightly disappointed, the boy went back out and tried to come up with another place where his friend could be. He could always ask Komui if he had been sent out on a mission.

Unfortunately, the chief scientist told him that Lavi was still inside but he had not seen him in a while. Not to be deterred, Allen asked for directions to get to Lavi's room and went there as well. On the way there, he realised he had never been to the red-haired's place. He had no idea it was so close to his own. Allen knocked a few times but no answer came. Sighing, he decided to check the cafeteria, the training grounds and even the baths but Lavi was nowhere to be found. Dejected, Allen could not think of another place to look. Hugging himself, he gave up on finding his missing friend. His mood was seriously dampened now. He did not even complain when Link dragged him to do more paperwork, complaining about having had enough time wasted. His day had suddenly taken a turn for the worst.

" _I really wish the panda would stop sending me on stupid errands. He keeps saying that I slack off but really, he's the one distracting me"_ , Lavi complained in his head, walking to his room to get some well-deserved rest after a long day.

The red-haired stretched his arms above his head and sighed. He was so tired. Bookman had asked him to go into town to buy some supplies which could only be found in a single shop where only those who knew the place could go. To be allowed inside, you had to give a password and prove that you were trustworthy. Being part of Bookmen society was not enough to ensure a safe passage for Lavi. He had had to submit to a thorough questioning but since he was not supposed to reveal any secret his mentor had taught him, the eye-patched teenager had used his wits and quick tongue to play their game under his own rules. Bookman had told him not to mention he was a member of the Black Order, saying it was safer not to give these people too much information about himself. Therefore, during his meeting, the red-haired had not been an exorcist nor Lavi, he had gone there as Bookman junior. Things had worked out fine in the end. He had gotten what the panda had ordered but the whole ordeal had left Lavi exhausted. Truthfully, he had not learned much about the people he had met. He did not even know their name. All he knew was that they formed some sort of secret confederation and were more or less allies of Bookmen. If the old man had sent him alone, it must have been to test him. On coming back, Lavi had asked the panda to tell him more of this brotherhood but Bookman had replied that he had not acquired the right to gain access to such knowledge. Somehow, his words had sounded bitter and final. Then Bookman had dismissed him for the day, claiming he had no further need of him for now. That had surprised Lavi but the teenager had not complained.

The young exorcist had to admit he was not in a good mood. He was constantly mopping, staring blankly at his books and getting lost in thoughts. His workload had not decreased at all. He could not focus on doing any research, his mind was set on something else entirely. It had been a full week since Lavi had realised how bad his obsession with Allen ran. He had yet to come to terms with it. The eye-patched exorcist was not in denial, he merely did not know what to make of it. Whenever his mind supplied him with images of the teenager, he had to physically restrain himself not to bolt out of the door and look for him. The warmth of Allen's body against his own had left a cruel void in the red-haired's heart. Yet, he knew he could not act on his confusing feelings, that would scare the boy right away. However, Lavi longed to hold him, to feel his heartbeat, to drown in the two bottomless pools of liquid silver, to caress his soft snowy hair, to kiss his thin lips.

Lavi had it bad for Allen, more than he had first thought. Unable to come up with a solution, he had taken to avoiding the albino. He spent most of his time hidden in the library, pretending to work his ass off when really, he could barely remember any of the books he had read. His plan was not foolproof, he was starting to go crazy from not seeing Allen. This was ridiculous. Lavi was so frustrated that he was one step away from repeatedly banging his head against the wall. The harder part was ignoring the boy. The eye-patched exorcist had lost count of the times his friend had tried talking to him. Lavi knew his behaviour was not helping but he was confused and needed time to sort out his feelings.

Sighing, he ran a hand through his fiery locks. For now, he needed to sleep. It was late and Bookman would give him more work the following day. However, his rest would have to wait. Before his door sat Allen, hugging his knees, his face hidden in them. Lavi bit his lip, of course, he should have expected this, and in a way he had. He knew Allen would not just let this go. Sighing once more, Lavi leaned against the wall, crossing his arms, a few feet away from the boy, looking at him in silence. Seeing him filled the older exorcist with joy but he had no idea what to tell him. What was he doing here, alone, at this hour? How long had he waited for him? The albino seemed to be asleep so he must have been standing there for a long while. Lavi felt guilty and winced. His friend wanted to see him and he kept pushing him away. Now was the time to make amends. Kneeling beside the boy, he gently shook his shoulder.

 **-Allen. Come on Allen, wake up. Moyashi** , the older exorcist called out softly.

After a few more shakes, the teenager stirred. He blinked sleepy eyes at his friend, disoriented.

 **-Hey. You're okay?** Lavi asked, caressing his cheek.

 **-Lavi?** Allen replied in a confused voice.

 **-Yeah. It's me. You should go to bed, Allen. You need to sleep** , the eye-patched teenager whispered, his right arm circling the albino's shoulders.

 **-No... Want to talk to you.**

Allen snuggled against the taller boy, attracted by his warmth. Lavi blinked. He had not expected to be used as a pillow by his current crush but he could hardly complain. Smiling, he tenderly ruffled his hair.

 **-We'll talk in the morning. You're tired.**

 **-No. You'll avoid me again. Wanted to see you...** Allen whispered, having trouble remaining awake. He was too comfortable and Lavi's petting was lulling him back to sleep.

The red-haired's heart clenched painfully. Yes, he had stayed away from Allen on purpose but he had not thought his friend would suffer from it. Lavi felt even more guilty and stupid now.

 **-I promise that I won't. We'll eat breakfast together, okay? Come on Allen, you can barely stay awake** , Lavi pleaded, already contemplating carrying him back to his room.

One of the albino's hands gripped his shirt and held tightly onto it. It was startling to see him so clingy. He usually had more restraint when expressing his affection. Either he was extremely tired or something was bothering him.

 **-You said you would never let me go** , the teenager reminded him, locking eyes with his friend, hope shining in them, taking Lavi's breath away.

 **-I won't** , the eye-patched boy promised once more, entirely serious.

 **-Then why are you avoiding me?** **Are you scared of... what I am?**

The sad and shy voice broke Lavi's heart who wanted nothing more than to take the young boy in his arms and hold him until the end of time.

 _'Right. As if Allen didn't have enough on his plate already, with the 14_ _th_ _and all, I had to make him feel even more rejected.'_ Lavi mentally berated himself for his stupidity. He really had to stop acting like an idiot.

 **-No! I swear to you Allen! It has nothing to do with that! I don't care if there's a Noah inside you! Hell! You could even be the freaking Earl's son, it wouldn't matter!** the older exorcist cried, suddenly desperate to erase any doubt from the boy's mind. **You know me, I'm not one to jump to conclusions. We'll see what happens. For now, you're Allen Walker and that's it. Okay?**

 **-Then why have you been ignoring me?** Allen asked, scepticism written all over his face.

 **-... Because I'm a coward. And an idiot. I needed time to think and I figured keeping my distance would help. I didn't think it would hurt you. I'm sorry Allen. I don't know what I'm doing...** Lavi confessed, turning away from his friend in shame, sitting against the wall.

Taking off his bandana, he ran a hand through his crimson mane, sighing, and let out a self-deprecating laugh.

 **-Look at me. Making a bigger mess of a conflicted situation that I created on my own. Hopeless much?**

Allen remained silent. His face was downcast, his shoulders slumped and his eyes hidden by his bangs. Looking at the sullen boy was painful. The older exorcist felt a burning desire to kiss his fears away, yet he knew he was not allowed to. Allen had no idea of the chaos raging through his head. He had come looking for comfort, Lavi could not take advantage of him. Still, a tiny voice in Lavi's head told him to go for it, that it would clear everything. He tried to resist, he really did, but his will was weak when Allen was concerned. The alluring thoughts convinced him and now he could not change his mind. He wanted a single taste of these soft pink petals, nothing more.

Lavi brought his head closer to Allen's, putting a hand under his chin to make him look up, slowly taking over his personal space until their noses almost brushed. He could feel the white-haired boy's breath against his face, mingling with his. Lavi's eye locked onto his friend's lips. They were so tempting, almost begging to be kissed. The older teenager could not resist. It was sad to see he had zero resistance when the cursed boy entered his mind but right now, he did not care. He dove forward and joined their lips. Time slowed. He closed his eye and waited for a reaction, daring to add a little more pressure. Allen stilled, obviously surprised by his boldness, but did not push him away.

After a few seconds, the red-haired pulled back, getting his breath back. He looked at Allen who seemed to be frozen in shock, wide-eyed and mouth hanging open. The kid brought a hand to his lips as if to confirm he had just been kissed, in a childlike gesture that Lavi found utterly cute. Not knowing what to make of this reaction, the older boy called his name in a soft voice.

 **-Allen?**

This seemed to wake him up. He looked up curiously at him.

 **-You kissed me?** he asked, perfectly awake now, still not believing what had just occurred.

 **-Yeah** , Lavi smiled.

The confidence in his voice provoked a bright blush to appear on the albino's usually pale cheeks. He looked downright adorable.

 **-I... I should go...** the younger one replied, still dazed, starting to get up.

 **-No!** Lavi exclaimed, panicked, grabbing his arms. **Don't leave!**

 **-I huh... I don't know what I should do** , Allen confessed, lost. **I don't** _ **want**_ **to leave but you kissed me.** (His cheeks turned even redder.) **I don't know what to make of it.**

 **-It doesn't have to mean anything for now. I missed you and I hurt you. Let me make up for it** , Lavi pleaded, on his knees, his eye wide open, already regretting his words when he saw the relief on the kid's face.

 **-Can we pretend it didn't happen then?** Allen asked, his eyes lit up with hope.

And that expression right there broke Lavi's heart. Silence rang in his ears. An unknown pain bloomed inside of him, squeezing his soul. Searing, crushing, cruelly trampling any trace of joy. Allen wanted to forget he had kissed him. That was not the reaction he had expected. Was this his way of rejecting his affection? In other words, Lavi was stuck in a one-sided love when he was not even supposed to feel anything. That sucked. The red-haired had to bite down on his tongue not to blurt his feelings. He wanted Allen to be his but even this was not allowed.

 **-Sure... Sure we can do that** , he managed to get out, using a fake cheer tone while inside, his very core was being annihilated.

 **-Thank you Lavi!** the albino boy replied enthusiastically.

Gritting his teeth, the older exorcist removed his arms from his comrade. Head bowed, his bangs hiding his solitary eye, he could not face his friend any longer. Heartbreak and shame were competing for the upper hand over his heart. The longer he stayed with him, the harder it would get to pretend he was fine. Therefore Lavi abruptly stood up and turned to his door.

 **-Well I'm beat. I gotta hit the sack early if I don't want the panda yelling at me for slacking off** , the Bookman apprentice said, his blank mask firmly planted. **See you around Allen.**

 **-Wait!** the younger exorcist called out in a hurried voice, stopping his movements and rekindling his hope against his better judgement. **You said we would eat breakfast together tomorrow. I'll pick you up at 8:00. Is this alright with you?**

Lavi's hand tightened around the doorknob. Once more he had been showed how falling for Allen was a terrible idea. He no longer wanted to go to that breakfast, nor did he wish to spend time with him anymore. But he had indeed promised. He could not get out of this, could he? Now that he needed to avoid Allen, he had given his word he would spend more time with him. When had he gotten cursed? And he could not even bring himself to blame him. The kid had done nothing wrong. After all, it was not his fault if he held no romantic feelings for him. Lavi would have to learn to live with this burden.

 **-Sure** , he replied in a defeated tone.

His lack of enthusiasm did not go unnoticed but since his back was facing his friend, he did not see the surprise and the hurt on the albino's face.

 **-Lavi?**

Instead of answering, the red-haired entered his room and closed the door, leaning back against it. He could hear the other boy calling him but right now, Lavi did not feel like chatting. Allen was probably dumbfounded to see him so dejected but he would live. For once, Lavi could be a little off character. He would apologize in the morning.

Exhausted, the young man quickly undressed to his underwear and slipped under the covers. A good night sleep would not make any difference, he would feel just as bad the following day but apparently he had to get used to it. His journey to hell was just starting.

* * *

 **Akane:** Thank you! Lavi will keep on suffering, just so you know. ^^

 **Lol:** Thank you!

 **B:** Thanks! I hope you liked this one too.

 **Candy Crackpot:** Thank you so much! Since I'm focusing on Lavi here, I have trouble handling Allen so he seems a little too innocent, but it will come with time.


End file.
